Really Bad Relationship Advice

I recently read this dialogue in an advice column of a popular magazine:

Q: I am a 25-year-old virgin. How can I satisfy my boyfriend without going all the way?A: Think of your man's body as the world's best amusement park. Sure, some may come only to ride the Big Dipper, but there are other thrills to be had—if you're willing to explore off the beaten path. Rub your man's feet, whisper in his ear, lick his neck. And if you really want to set off fireworks, give him a handy. A hand job is the safest sex there is. It leaves your man satisfied, and you don't even have to take off your clothes, unless you want to. Simply undo his pants and Ooh! and Ah! over his magnificence (good sex is 80 percent enthusiasm). Squeeze a generous amount of lubricant into the palm of your hand and handle his business. If your man's face is twisted up like his baby toe is stuck in a mousetrap, you're doing great. Feeling hot and bothered yourself? Let him return the favor.

There are so many things wrong here. If this question were posed to me, here's what I would say instead:

Why is it important to satisfy your boyfriend sexually if you are a virgin? Is this an area that you talk about? Does he or you  not understand what virginity entails? Is being a virgin important to you?  Once you try to satisfy your boyfriend sexually, without technically having sex, many things can ensue.  You are putting yourself in a predicament that you may not be able to escape from.  Two old adages comes to mind - "Play with fire, you get burn" and "Don't start something you can't finish!" If you value your virginity, then don't try to satisfy your boyfriend sexually.  Get to know your boyfriend - his character, morals, his spiritual foundation - these are the things that make a man and these things are important. Sex should be reserved for marriage; if this were truly the mindset many hurt feelings and emotional dramas (not to mention other consequences), would be spared on both sides.

Just because it feels good does not mean you are entitled to it at this point in time. Sex was meant to feel good - but there is a time and an order for everything.  When you're in a relationship with a male, establish a new normal for you; establish this from the beginning so that you won't have to deal with this unfounded worry.

As a Christian, don't look to the world for sound Biblical advice.  If you follow the advice above you will end up with sticky fingers and being hot and bothered.  Instead, transform your mind by renewing it, shun evil or the very appearance of, love your body, as it is a temple and save yourself for marriage.

What do you think of the advice above? What would you tell your 25 yr old daughter? Do you think it's unrealistic to be a virgin at 25?

Christians Have Issues Too

Yes believe it or not, Christians don't have perfect lives and we're not all sanctimonious or pious - well I can only speak for myself.  The difference between Christians and others is our responses to situations we encounter along the way.  Remember, in this world we will have tribulations....

The Boy (what I affectionately call my son)  called my husband's cell phone recently at an odd hour for him (my son).  We're on the west coast so he was calling well past midnight his time.  My husband answered, and after speaking with him for five seconds, asks - "Are you on drugs?"  My husband looks at me, but keeps talking to The Boy.  He says, "He doesn't sound like himself."  I said, "give me the phone," since I feel I'm more in tune with these things.  He gives me the phone.  As I'm talking to The Boy he sounds like he's 5.  He's start blabbering all manner of nonsense! (Something about the mayor...)  He said he was home, so I ended the conversation.

I called him this morning and asked,  "what happened last night?"  According to him, "He was in a celebratory mood and had imbibed a bit too much...tried a new type of liquor, etc...and didn't know why he would call us in that state."  You see, after 5 long years he's graduating from college. That's something worth celebrating but not by getting drunk.

There are many ways we could have responded: we could've said he's young and that's what young people do, we could've said it's not a big deal, we could've been angry, we could've laughed - there are any number of reactions.

This morning when I spoke to The Boy - he apologized.  My husband spoke with him later, admonished him and told him how some things we do recklessly in our youth become our greatest burdens in adulthood.  There were other things said, for which the Boy was grateful to hear.

We once attended a function where a man said that he had one child that made him really learn how to pray.  Regardless of what they did as parents, this child was hell bent on doing things her own way and causing loads of pain for herself and her parents.  These parents realized that their best bet was to pray, and let God supernaturally do what he does. This child eventually turned herself around and was in attendance at the function.

I'm not saying my son is this way - for all children, especially when they are adults make me seek the Lord a whole lot more.  We pray  for wisdom, protection, for the right people to come in to their path, for opportunities, for doors to be shut and doors to be open.  As parents we acknowledge God in all of this and let Him do what we cannot do.

As parents we want the best for our children. Children will do things, in spite of our best efforts, (even if you're a scripture quoting God-fearing parent).

There is a verse that struck me recently - And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. 2 Timothy 3:15.  This verse comforts me because if we as parents ensure that our children are knowledgeable about the Word, even though they sow their wild oats, the scriptures that are embedded in them will make them wise unto salvation.  Our job is to provide the environment so that the Word gets in.


Have your children done anything "noteworthy" recently?  What do you typically do when your child does something contrary to what you would have wanted? It's OK to talk about it.  If you wish leave it in the comments and I'll say a pray for you.

Cozy Time - Hygge

My daughter is in Denmark this semester studying abroad.  Her host family has really made her feel like part of their family and for that, I am grateful.
The Danish have a tradition where after dinner, they sit around and talk and get to know each other.  It's called hygge which means cozy time and is pronounced hue gah lee.

According to my daughter:

Hygge literally translates to cozy time, and another word couldn’t have described it any better. During my stay with my host family I’ve realized that hygge can be an hour to as long as 4 hours. And it is truly nice to know that people in Denmark take the time out from the hectic lives to enjoy and appreciate the company of others, whether it be a stranger or a loved one. The tradition of making time to relax, eat and enjoy the company of others is something that should definitely be adopted by the States. Maybe then we could move up on the ranks of Happy People. :) 

So this Sunday after dinner, we had cozy time - we had hygge.  We talked about church and the sermon, our lives, our children, and whatever else came to mind.  We used to do this more often, but this cultural reminder made me realize that you can never have too much cozy time. Cozy time leads to fellowship with each other, which leads to hospitality, which leads to sharing and caring.  I think cozy time is good and we would all benefit from it.


Do you hygge? Do you eat dinner together as a family daily, weekly, ever? Do you sit and chat after dinner or are you in a rush to resume activities? Are you willing to open your life/house to strangers? Can you think of any Bible verses that support cozy time? If you do please leave in the comments.

Break Up Your Fallow Ground

I first heard the expression "Fallow Ground" in this song from The Winans.

The expression,"Break up your fallow ground" (Hos. 10:12; Jer.4:3) means, "Do not sow your seed among thorns," In other words, break off all your evil habits; clear your hearts of weeds, in order that they may be prepared for the seed of righteousness. The land was allowed to lie fallow that it might become more fruitful; but when left in this condition, it soon became overgrown with thorns and weeds. The cultivator of the soil was careful to "break up" his fallow ground, i.e., to clear the field of weeds, before sowing seed in it. So says the prophet, "Break off your evil ways, repent of your sins, cease to do evil, and then the good seed of the word will have room to grow and bear fruit." (Source: https://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionary/fallow-ground/)

Fallow ground is hard, dry and full of ruts. It wasn't always this way as it once produced fruit but through neglect, it has become fallow. If it stays in this state the only thing it will produce is weeds, which are generally good for nothing. I like to garden and play in the dirt.  Before planting seeds or plants, I have to make sure the soil is loose and ready to receive the plants.  If the soil is tight, I have to use a pitchfork or something similar to break up the dirt and to remove the weeds. This typically happens at the beginning of the planting season after a period of rest. This is strenuous work.

Our hearts can become fallow ground if we're not careful. Bad habits may come in when we're resting, when we're not vigilant, when we're coasting. We need to dig deep and  do the strenuous work to "break it up."

What do you need to break up in your life so that you will have room to grow and bear fruit? Have you ever thought of bad habits in this light? Do you find gardening analogies helpful in your Christian walk?

Master, Say On

This is what Simon (the Pharisee) said to Jesus, after a series of events.

Simon invited Jesus over to his house for dinner and Jesus accepted the invitation.  While at  dinner, a woman of questionable character knew that He was there. She knew who Jesus was and because He was at a Pharisee's house, probably felt that she could attend also. Also, back then as was the custom, you didn't need a  formal invite for dinner. She came penitent, and washed his feet with her tears and the perfume in her alabaster box.

Simon observed this and thought, why would Jesus have this woman wash his feet?
Jesus, knowing his thoughts, said, "I have something to say to you." Simon said, "Master, say on."

Jesus spoke a parable and explained why he didn't reject the woman.  We don't know what Simon's reaction was after this, but many that were at dinner wondered what kind of man is this that forgives sins.  I'd like to think that Simon was humbled.

If we are willing to listen and learn from the Master, we would reap huge benefit. In this woman's case, her sins were forgiven, Simon was enlightened, and others marvelled at his claims.

When the Lord wishes to speak with us, do we say, "Say on" or do we ignore it? Do we have a teachable spirit? Do we acknowledge his Lordship? Simon called Him Master. 
Also notice, Jesus was gentle and inviting in his approach. Are we that way when we minister to others?

Love Song

My husband is a  music aficionado, so we have a huge selection of CDs and records.  While driving I wanted to listen to something different and found All the Great Love Songs by the Commodores CD.

I was enjoying the CD until I came to Track 10- Jesus is Love.  When you think about it, the fact that Jesus loves YOU for no other reason that but that he found you worthy to die for, you just may do what I did when listening to this song:  I turned the volume up loud, sang loudly, raised my hands, and moved to the music while driving. (PS - I'm a safe driver!)

The fact that the God of this universe loves and cares for the rebellious human race is probably the greatest mystery of all time.  Not only did He create us, "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

Enjoy the song, and have a wonderful weekend.

Have you ever found a song on a CD that was a pleasant surprise?

Old Things/Old Ways

Today I bought an old fashioned mop and a new-fangled bucket with a wringer.  I bought the mop, because the  newer mop with those wipes just was not picking up all the dirt.  It couldn't get in to corners, baseboards wouldn't come clean and it couldn't squeeze in to small spaces - like the tiny space between the fridge and the pantry.  I also felt that it was not economically sound to constantly purchase wipes for a mop.  A box of wipes costs anywhere between 10.00 and 15.00 dollars, and for not doing the job properly I felt like I was throwing away money and adding to our ecological disaster.

So I bought an old fashioned mop for $2.98.  The bucket costs $7.98 but since I don't get my hands wet or dirty and I can re-use, it's worth it.

I work from home; to break up the monotony since my brain goes a mile a minute, I'll stop working and do something around the house. Today I mopped and I was even more productive.

While mopping with the old fashioned mop, this verse in Jeremiah came to mind - Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, We will not walk therein. Jeremiah 6:16

Sometimes the old way, is the best way and we need to go back to it.  Sometimes we can combine the old with the new to get a better result (i.e. old mop and new bucket).  But the lesson is don't be so quick to toss the old way of doing things, especially if it works. The verse above refers to the old ways of righteousness and holiness which were taught and passed on from generation to generation. Many of us have rejected the old way, and have tried to do it our way.  Over time we realize that our way just is not working. There's no shame in going back to the old way, especially if it's God's way.


To determine the old way - go back to the Bible and weigh your actions, thoughts, words, everything against what it says.

Have you rediscovered an old thing? 


PS - Seems like the prior post was not seen by many - please take a look; it speaks volumes.

Just Like He Said

He is not here: for he is risen, as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. - Matthew 28: 6




What do you see, when you see the empty tomb?

Spring Break

I haven't blogged as often as I would like, because...I haven't.

This week is Spring Break for the Little One and so it's also Spring Break for me.

My husband and I were both lamenting the fact that we both feel that we have no really close friends that we can hang out with here in CA. Back in NY, our house was a revolving door of friends and family; that hasn't happened here for us, yet, (I remain hopeful) but we both miss it and handle it in different ways.  The different ways in which we handle sometimes get on each other's nerves, for example, we're arguing and we don't even know why, but we're getting through it.

Because the Little One is the only child at home, she is for all intents and purposes an only child. Therefore these extended breaks pose a challenge for me.  To alleviate her boredom, we ventured to the park yesterday.  As we are there a little girl says hi to me.  I thought, she must be mistaken and has confused me with someone else.  She then proceeded to say hello to my daughter; my daughter informs me that she goes to her school.  During our time at the park, her mother and I start talking and it turns out, WE ARE NEIGHBORS and she does hair!!! I can literally walk to her house. Both of these things are big deals.  Anyhow, the girls seem to have genuine fun with each other and so today I have another little girl at my house (kind of like old times)!

Also today out of the blue, a friend at my church called, just because, to say hi and get together for yogurt.

These things are little, but God cares.  I am sure he orchestrated my meeting at the park for just this time, and I am grateful.  People say the devil is in the details, but I know God oversees all the little details of my life - nothing is too minuscule for Him.

God cares about every detail of your life…
He collects every tear in a bottle (Psalm 56:8)
Even the ones we shed over spilled milk, over chocolate fallen down the heater grate and shed for no reason at all.
Even the ones we pull out trying not to scream at children, even the gray ones we wish weren’t there, even the ones that just won’t lay right despite three tries with the curling iron.
Even the ones that seem silly but cut deeply, even the ones that keep us up at night, even the ones we won’t admit really did hurt.

He numbers every hair on your head (Luke 12:7)

He knows every hurt in your heart (Psalm 34:18)

I love the thought that God– the Creator of the universe, Who has the whole globe to take care of, Who gave His only Son and owes me nothing– still cares so much about me and the piddly worries of my daily life. That’s amazing. He is the Lover of my soul, the Nurturer of my spirit, the Giver of bread from Heaven (John 6:27). (source)

If you're on Spring Break - enjoy it.  Don't lose sight of the fact that this week is called Holy Week, and Jesus went through an awful lot on Friday so that we can have Resurrection Sunday!